Katie and Zach, mother and father

This is a honest and personal tale of how we made an important life decision. Grab a seat and a cup of tea…

It took us a long time of researching and soul searching to make the careful decision to become parents, no one else can influence this decision, it belongs only to the couple. Then when we tried, it didn’t happen as quickly as we expected. Infertility is an isolating common condition, a cycle of hope and disappointment. We didn’t tell people that we were trying because it is a very private decision. And we didn’t want people to feel sorry for us. We would rather share good news than bad, and good news could be right around the corner. We changed our lives, our health, our habits. It was very frustrating to feel not in control. And to make matters worse, people would often ask us if we planned to have children and why hadn’t we had a baby yet, as if it was that simple. We imagined that just one pregnancy would be enough. The delay made us question our ability and ambition to become parents.

In anticipation, we discussed the next step. Were we willing to see a specialist? How much invasive and expensive surgery/procedures/hormones were we willing to endure? Adopt? As I began looking into fertility treatments, it made me feel like a sick patient, instead of the healthy strong woman that I was. We accepted that we would try for a while longer naturally then apply to adopt a child. And we felt good about that decision. 

Last year was a very stressful time in our work lives. We confronted illness, emotional pain and mortality all around us. At the end of the very tense academic year, we took a vacation. When I leave home, I gain perspective, love where I’m from and become thankful for the blessings in my life. I felt thankful for our health and still do. A month passed. I refocused my attention on some of my work projects and was very productive and happy with myself. But still feeling disappointment each month... Then something changed. I was confused, unwilling to accept the truth, having been fooled before. 

We confirmed our suspicion. Pregnancy! Praise the Lord! We were excited, terrified, and nervous that it wouldn’t remain that way. We kept it a secret. Something special for us to share together.  

Katie at 17 weeks

It was a busy summer, full of traveling for me. I spent several weeks traveling by myself to conferences, camps and workshops. I got sick. “Morning” (all day!) sickness is horrible. No foods sounded good to my stomach. Everything made me dizzy and nauseas. Whenever I got on an airplane, I would locate the “barf bag” just in case. I gave presentations and did my best to be present at these events. I couldn’t explain why I was not feeling well (we wanted to savor the news together as a couple for a while first), telling my colleagues that I was tired. I was also really hungry. I needed food all the time, even at night. And that is difficult when you are in a hotel by yourself. I was grateful to return home from the last conference. There was one more trip, a family reunion in Colorado. It seemed like I spent the summer living out of my suitcase, getting home in time to repack. The world still expects you to move at a fast pace even when you are not feeling well. I was exhausted.

At 11 weeks into the pregnancy, we were in Colorado and we announced the good news to my family. Everyone was very happy for us. The questions started coming too. I spent the week in bed, sick and feeling miserable but grateful to be able to explain why. 

But we felt very blessed indeed.

At 12 weeks, we returned home (permanently, finally!) and it was time to get ready to teach my classes and prepare to tell my boss that I would be requesting Family Leave for spring semester. But first, God had prepared another twist in our story.

We went to our first ultrasound (when the doctor projects an image of the womb on a screen so you can see the baby and hear the heartbeat). I’m told that this appointment is supposed to make the experience feel real for the partner and make your heart melt as you hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. We had a different experience. I lay there and watched the technician get a confused look on her face. I thought something was wrong. I immediately felt embarrassed and asked, “Oh my, I’m not pregnant am I?” This couldn’t be, I was so sick all summer! She said, “No, that’s not it. Do twins run in your family?” What?! Zach and I looked at each other in amazement and said, “No! They don’t! Are you sure?” Yup, there’s two babies in there. Unbelievable. We were shocked. When we returned home, we told the rest of the family, and again the news was welcomed with much joy.

B head and back on left, A head on right. 21 weeks

Twin A in profile. 21 weeks

Twin B in profile. 21 weeks

Katie on bedrest, with loyal companion Deo. 

I am still pregnant, 25 weeks now. With twins! We are thrilled! It has not been easy though. We’ve had some scares along the way, I suffered some medical complications and we had to spend a terrifying night in the emergency room. I was on bed rest for a month and my pregnancy has been labeled “high risk.” I have had to take medical leave from work. Family and friends have been supportive. Now, other than discomfort and tiredness, I am healthy and the twins are healthy. They are due in February. We will not find out the genders, that will be a surprise at the birth and will help us get through the event. They will be complex unique individuals, identified by so much more than gender or stereotypes. We look forward to seeing who they will become. We hope that people will encourage them to follow their own dreams, not someone else’s dreams for them.

Who will they be? Their journeys begin February 2013.

We love our relationship. We hear that becoming parents of multiples will test a relationship to the extreme. But we are confident that the experience will make our bond stronger. We will allow them to change us but will remain true to ourselves also. They will be welcomed into our lives. And we know that during this challenging time, new parents are judged constantly. People naturally want to find connections. We hope that our careful and thoughtful decisions are met with trust and respect instead of disappointment, critisism or condescension, which are easy reactions to detect when you are in sensitive life transitions. Every couple must take their own path and must be allowed to travel this path surrounded by positivity. 

We are entering into a risky time in our pregnancy, the last three months. I have gained 25 lbs and will gain more, thankfully on track with guidelines. Twins often come quite early, at risk for further complications. I am careful with my movements, diet and blood pressure. Please keep us all in your prayers. Prayers and encouragement are what we need more than any material items. 

Readers, I hope that if you are privately struggling with the decision to become a parent, infertility, adoption, pregnancy, or parenting, that my tale has encouraged you. 

I am wishing you the very best Christmas season. Christmas is my favorite time of year.

Peace be with you,

Katie